Being Good to others and Oneself

There are many good people who love to do good to others. They like to come across as friendly and fair. Their desire to be seen good could be immense that they don't mind sacrificing their happiness and well being. From an observer's point of view she is good to the other and bad to oneself.

Why would one do an act that is good to someone but end up bad to oneself? Shouldn't the need to be good to other applied to the self as well? Why is assertiveness so tough? Why is the balance missing?

The need to be good is different from being good. In being good there is balance. There would be natural assertiveness not planned assertiveness. There could be sacrifice but not to please or for appreciation.

In the need to be good one might bend more than required to please the other and in the process hurt themselves. They are hurt that their goodness is not recognized. They are infuriated when their goodness is taken for a ride.

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Negative Emotions

All the so called negative emotions like jealousy, anger, hatred, envy, sadistic pleasures and many other stem from insecurity. Insecurities are fears that has arisen out of the idea me vs rest of the world. A sense of separateness from the rest of the world. It is the idea of the ego. It is out of ignorance the human mind imagines so.

In order to survive one either fights or compromises. We pick fights with strangers and put up with bosses. If rubbed on the wrong side we show our displeasure to people who are meek and swallow pride if they are hulks and psychos.

So long the ignorance of Oneness exists the illusions of separation would exist. The drama would continue until one goes beyond the veils of Illusion or Maya. In Oneness you don't see the world as a threat to your existence. In Oneness there could be no ill feelings towards others. You would be a fountain of compassion. People would love to associate with you.

Clarity

When we have no idea what to do in life or Whenever we are lost and confused we wish for clarity. We hope for some clue or a divine message that tell us what to do and how to do. We wish we know where it is heading or how it would end up.

Clarity is not about what next or how to go about from where you are or predicting your future but it is about being totally present and alive this very moment. 

When you are fully aware of this moment you have total understanding of the moment. When you carry this clarity moment to moment you have clarity forever. That clarity each moment transforms your life for better.

Dealing with Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts can be damning. One negative thought leads to another and by the time you realize a castle of doom is built. The dreamer fuses life into it and carries this monster 24x7. Peace of mind is forsaken but plans of how to beat the imagined demon occupies the mind. Thoughts of shame, of danger lurking, of failures and many similar thoughts make life hell. 

The world out there seem to be so happy except you. It looks like it is mocking at your miseries. It appears that you have been hand picked for persecution. You have a tiny tinge of hope somewhere deep inside secretly wishing that your worries evaporate. Self pity and self deprecation becomes your favorite hobby.

Thoughts per se are neither negative nor positive. It is simply a manifestation that has occurred in your mind. Thoughts that are not to your liking are labeled as negative and those that make you feel good are seen as positive thoughts. What is positive thought to you could be a negative thought to someone else. You are a body of desires. Each desire seeks its fulfillment. You comprehend these emotions through thoughts. One part of you wants fulfillment of those desires and another part of it - your values, your constraints etc - stops it from happening. You are not sure what needs to be done to feel content. It seem to be never ending tussle.

Dropping desire is not possible because you didn't create the desire. It just happened to you. Suppressing desire is not going to be effective in the long run. It makes you desperate and vulnerable to irreversible mistakes. Working to fulfill won't end it either. You would want more of it - like more money, more recognition. So how do one be immune to negative thoughts?

A temporary solution is to wait for the change in tide that brings momentary uplifting thoughts. You can also attempt to force exciting thoughts that seem to bring results in the short term but know it would wear you out mentally in the long run. That's how positive thinking works. It is like an emergency medication not for daily usage. 

Filling your mind with happy events of the past and promising future would temporarily disengage from the rut. You might probably be doing the opposite of what you are doing now. You might have to step out to the world, do small things that uplifts, meet happier and sensible people. These can pave the way for permanent solution but be aware they are more like breathers. The problem is in the root. 

A permanent solution would be to understand yourself. Learn to look within to know why you desire certain things, why certain thoughts come to haunt you. The coming to know the reason behind them would point the right direction for the right set of actions. Work on the source than react to the situation on the surface. It takes commitment. If you are serious you would work for a permanent solution otherwise your want to be happy is only a wishful thinking.

The ugly side of Humility

Many like the idea of being humble. They take pride in their humility. They feel so good when someone compliments them as a humble person. They want more of it. These are the people who claim they have no ego. That's probably the biggest ego drive they have. To whom does that pride belong? To whom does that humility belong? Who in that person claims absence of ego? 

They know arrogance is no good. They don't want to be empty vessels that make more noise. So they reach to the other extreme of the scale, which is being humble. Although they are easy to move with and friendly these are the people who are fragile. They are the ones that get hurt easily. Anyone can ruffle their feelings. They treat others well and in turn expect the world to reciprocate. When that doesn't happen they are pained. They carry an expectation that humanity should appreciate their humility. It is a performance that needs recognition. In arrogance the ego is troubled and shaken. In humility the ego is caressed for later trouble.

Society and religion preaches you humility. It can be misleading. Instead of showing the balance, where an act is carried out independent of the prejudice, of arrogance and humility, it preaches one extreme over the other. It is because of this lop sided emphasis why we would find appeasement of wrong in the name of being good.

Humble people have dreams like any other. They don't flaunt their talents but secretly wish it is acknowledged. They want the limelight but expect to be prodded to take the stage. On the face it looks they are content with what they have but they are not. They don't realize that the very reason they try to be humble is to enhance their low self esteem. This humble behavior of theirs in the long run make them timid and shy. There is another set of people - celebrities, who are not shy of the limelight but would want to come across as humble. They like the tabloids to write about their humility in spite of their resounding success - another ego ride.

Both arrogance and humility are acts that stem from low self esteem. Humility can't be a cover up for arrogance. It is important that the reasons for ones low self esteem is addressed. Listen to your inner voice, your best friend, to know what action of yours would be a balanced act. A balanced act - free of arrogance and humility - could be a loud stern shout or a slap or a big grin or a simple glance or nothing. It is not the expression on the surface that matters but how complete one is within, from where that action sprung.

Searching for darkness with lights ON

Hey I am searching for darkness. I need your help to find it. I have switched ON the most illuminating lights that mankind has ever created. I have engaged professional lights-Guru to light up the whole place under search. Lights above, below, on the sides, at all angles and at varying luminosity  Yet I don't find it. I have been looking for this darkness for quiet some time and I am desperate. Can you please help?

But wait a minute why am I searching for darkness. I met this man, there was something extremely serene about him. He seemed to be a very wise man. I asked him that I am looking to find the Self. He started laughing. He said you are already that, you are the self. You must have lost some bearings. I grinned and said. Yes I know that, but I am talking about the Self, that all spiritual people search. The self that is beyond the facade of Maya.

Oh that one, he started to chuckle again. How can you find something that doesn't exist? What on earth? Now I began to wonder if this wise man had lost his sanity. The secret is there is no secret. It is Nothing! he said amused at my wide open mouth. It looks like a dialogue he had lifted from the Kung Fu Panda movie. If you know how the self would look it would be lot more easier to search for he said nonchalantly. Do you know what to look for? I scratched my head and said I think it is a very bright light, something that shines beautifully. He nodded and said the sun is the brightest light that humans have ever seen. Do you think that your self is brighter than that? Do you think that much brightness can be hidden ? I looked at him with a very blank mind. The sun has another 500 million years to go before it dies. Does that mean God would die then? Now I really need my shots of Tequila. Where is this all leading to? I wondered.

Don't you think that something that had a beginning will have an end. If big bang theory made the sun alive, wont the light die one day? When the candle had burnt would the light continue? Are you not searching for something that is transient? I said looks like. So what do I look for? He looked perplexed and said  Look for nothing. I asked How is that possible? I have to look for something. How else can i find the self? Please tell me what to look for. He said if you insist then I will tell you how nothing looks like. Wow thats some sense of relief. I can now find Nothing easily I thought to myself. Nothing is dark, empty and silent. These would remain for eternity because these are not manifested said the wise man. Before I could understand what he said he left in a hurry as if he saw no hope in my quest.

That day I decided to search for this darkness. I read all the spiritual books, all the holy books, the philosophies, listened and read all works of great masters. I chanted mantras and sang in choirs, participated in spiritual discussions and debates, I contemplated many years under the sun, top of alps, inside caves, under the Earth, below the sea, in the rains, every damn place on earth. Whatever metamorphic light my mind could lay hands I would do that including e-spirituality, technology has left no stone untouched. so I joined spiritual networks, read blogs and posted comments. AND I AM TIRED. My mind is really tired of this search.

Now you know why am I looking. Can anyone help me find darkness? I have all the illuminating knowledge. And my brightest light that is ever kept ON is my mind. A logical thinking mind. Damn! I am getting very upset and angry. I have reached the threshold.

I am frustruated and I care damn for the  Self anymore. I am switching OFF all the illuminating crazy knowledge about the Self. BAM, BAM.  What is that unusual silence I am beginning to hear? Hey dude It is dark and getting darker by the second. The fringes of the fading light points to the ever present darkness! This is what I have been looking for. Eureka!

Dude how could I search for darkness with lights ON?     LOL...... HAHAHAHA .... ROFL

(P.S. - Knowledge is so useful but it can turn out to be a stumbling block. Know when not to dwell in it. Truth is beyond the logic of Mind.)

Nature of Mind

The nature of mind is very logical. The function of the mind is to question, analyse, dissect and infer a result that is logically sound. Does that mean the mind remains quiet on arrival of a result? Does the mind stop with the knowing? No the mind takes nothing on its face value. It has to evaluate the information and only if it is convinced it accepts it otherwise it is armed with reasons for rejections.

An excerpt from the to be released novel 'Rising above the spheres of fear' states "How can the mind accept knowledge and be quiet? Knowledge means what the mind has discovered so far. The mind is a doubting mind. It is a probing mind trying to come up with theories to disprove knowledge so as to discover more. That is the reason scientific theories get constantly updated or replaced. Thoughts that were constructed based on some factors can fall flat when a new factor is introduced. Mind is a bag of thoughts. Whatever the mind depicts the truth to be, it has to be flawed." 

This has happened in our lives. What was right today turns out to be wrong tomorrow. Take the instance of cannibalism. Man thought it was okay to eat another man, but today because of the collective conscience the society perceives it as not correct. With newer experiences and better understanding there is a update to what we know. There is no end where one can say I know it 100% now. The knowledge that we hold on proudly has an expiry date. Wonder where the arrogance of knowing comes from.

The mind is at the mercy of thoughts. There is no right or wrong thought but you enact whatever you think is right at that moment. Mind has the capability of coming up with different reactions at different times for the same situation. It is like closing your eyes and picking a random chit in a lucky draw. You may train your mind to behave in a particular manner under particular situations. You may even succeed few times but then you will be disappointed with yourself for being caught off-guard at times. Controlling the mind is the most unnatural way. It is easier to control a gusty wind. It will wear you off. It is prudence to understand and accept the nature of your mind. This brings in lot of harmony in your being. This allows you to be in tune with existence.

The nature of mind is unpredictable. Random thought determines the current state of the mind. The mind itself has no clue as to how it would behave in ground zero. If such is the nature of the mind how can any thought lead to enlightenment? how can it illumine the self? Will it not be a fallacy projected out of the limited knowledge? Wont it be like the blind men and the elephant story?

Does that mean the mind is of no use to realize the truth? Yes and No. It is extremely useful to contemplate, understand and see the veil. It is like using the boat to cross the river. Once you cross the river you don't carry the boat on your shoulders. In the same way there comes a stage where the mind would be the stumbling block to realization of the self. The TRUTH is not a minuscule thought that is prone to change from time to time. You have to go beyond the mind to realize the truth!

(Some are excerpts from the Book - Rising above the Spheres of Fear www.facebook.com/book.fear)