The Need for Attention

Every time we get a like on the profile pic or any post that we have uploaded on social media it makes us feel good. It is an indication that some action of ours has caught the attention of someone. The more the like count the greater is the joy. It gives us a sense of feeling that something we do is liked by others and so must be correct.

On the surface it looks perfectly fine but deep down the message is loud and clear that we need the world to constantly assure us and validate us. It is a sign that one is not sure about oneself. It is a shout from within on the lacking sense of self worth. It is a sign that one is not solid within.

The more we turn a blind eye the more we get hooked on to the false sense of completeness. We start doing many things to get the world to notice us. We want to know what our friends, neighbors and the world think about us. We become prisoners of thought. What we assume that others would think would determine our actions and not what is the most appropriate behavior.

Our self esteem then is like a weather bell, tossing the moods between excitement and depression. In such oscillation there is no way of finding your serene Self.

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React Vs Response

Most of us would say things in the spurt of the moment and regret later. In the heat of passion we do things that make us feel guilty or ashamed. We could have been fooled that left us seething in anger. We failed to say or do the right thing at the right time in the right measure.

It is because your mind is so busy being volatile. It reacts to the unexpected turn of event and fails to respond appropriately to the situation.

When you are not aware of the moment you react. When you are fully aware of the moment you respond.

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Ego is not a villain

Ego is vilified as an impediment in the spiritual path. We like to destroy this evil force. We like to do the opposite of whatever we consider as an egoistic act. We try to be humble. We try to love.

The desire to destroy the ego belongs to the ego. It is ego's plan to destroy itself to obtain something else, say the blessings of God or peace of mind or for some other it could be enlightenment.

There are two flaws in this approach. One the physical body can be killed by a physical act but for the ego to kill itself it has no idea how to do it. It can't say or think from now on I am dead and remain dead. Two if it does the impossible who would be the beneficiary of the fantasized goodies once it is dead?

You are the ego. Ego is not a villain. It is the ignorance that one has to remove to be aware each moment. When the ego is aware of its actions tranquility sets in.

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Self Pity

As a child we all have cried for many reasons. We have cried in pain, hunger, fear and just about for many reasons. As kids we have learnt that crying gets attention, love and sympathy. These emotions comfort us and relieve nerves of insecurity.

As adults not much of our core changes. This active need for attention and validation continues. Not every time the world is going to stand next to you with a handkerchief in hand. One easy way to get attention and sympathy is from one's own.

Self pity paints us a saint in our eyes and wonder why the world is so devilish to us. We wonder why the world refuses to understand or reciprocate your goodness. The pain is ironically alluring.

For some the addiction of self pity is so strong that they refuse to let go. They attract more downfalls and sadness to crib about. If desire to be happy is no wishful thinking stop self pity.

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Negative Emotions

All the so called negative emotions like jealousy, anger, hatred, envy, sadistic pleasures and many other stem from insecurity. Insecurities are fears that has arisen out of the idea me vs rest of the world. A sense of separateness from the rest of the world. It is the idea of the ego. It is out of ignorance the human mind imagines so.

In order to survive one either fights or compromises. We pick fights with strangers and put up with bosses. If rubbed on the wrong side we show our displeasure to people who are meek and swallow pride if they are hulks and psychos.

So long the ignorance of Oneness exists the illusions of separation would exist. The drama would continue until one goes beyond the veils of Illusion or Maya. In Oneness you don't see the world as a threat to your existence. In Oneness there could be no ill feelings towards others. You would be a fountain of compassion. People would love to associate with you.

Compassion

Hate hates to forgive. Love loves to forgive. Compassion wasn't hurt to forgive.

Hate attempts to expand its boundaries through violence. Love attempts to expand its boundaries through appeasement. Compassion doesn't expand as it has no boundaries.

Hate attempts to remove insecurity by destruction. Love attempts to remove insecurity by inclusion. Compassion is beyond insecure delusions.

Hate has mission. Love has purpose. Compassion has no agenda.

Hate sees the other as enemy. Love sees the other as friend. Compassion sees the other as self.

Hate needs love to thrive. Love needs hate to serve. Compassion needs neither.

Hate connives. Love fantasizes. Compassion witnesses.

Hate hurts. Love soothes. Compassion heals.

Hate believes in doomsday. Love believes in judgement day. Compassion is about today.

Hate experiences sadness. Love experiences joy. Compassion experiences Bliss.

Hate resides in your mind. Love resides in your heart. Compassion resides in you.

Hate is out of arrogance. Love is out of ignorance. Compassion is out of awareness.

Clarity

When we have no idea what to do in life or Whenever we are lost and confused we wish for clarity. We hope for some clue or a divine message that tell us what to do and how to do. We wish we know where it is heading or how it would end up.

Clarity is not about what next or how to go about from where you are or predicting your future but it is about being totally present and alive this very moment. 

When you are fully aware of this moment you have total understanding of the moment. When you carry this clarity moment to moment you have clarity forever. That clarity each moment transforms your life for better.

Dealing with Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts can be damning. One negative thought leads to another and by the time you realize a castle of doom is built. The dreamer fuses life into it and carries this monster 24x7. Peace of mind is forsaken but plans of how to beat the imagined demon occupies the mind. Thoughts of shame, of danger lurking, of failures and many similar thoughts make life hell. 

The world out there seem to be so happy except you. It looks like it is mocking at your miseries. It appears that you have been hand picked for persecution. You have a tiny tinge of hope somewhere deep inside secretly wishing that your worries evaporate. Self pity and self deprecation becomes your favorite hobby.

Thoughts per se are neither negative nor positive. It is simply a manifestation that has occurred in your mind. Thoughts that are not to your liking are labeled as negative and those that make you feel good are seen as positive thoughts. What is positive thought to you could be a negative thought to someone else. You are a body of desires. Each desire seeks its fulfillment. You comprehend these emotions through thoughts. One part of you wants fulfillment of those desires and another part of it - your values, your constraints etc - stops it from happening. You are not sure what needs to be done to feel content. It seem to be never ending tussle.

Dropping desire is not possible because you didn't create the desire. It just happened to you. Suppressing desire is not going to be effective in the long run. It makes you desperate and vulnerable to irreversible mistakes. Working to fulfill won't end it either. You would want more of it - like more money, more recognition. So how do one be immune to negative thoughts?

A temporary solution is to wait for the change in tide that brings momentary uplifting thoughts. You can also attempt to force exciting thoughts that seem to bring results in the short term but know it would wear you out mentally in the long run. That's how positive thinking works. It is like an emergency medication not for daily usage. 

Filling your mind with happy events of the past and promising future would temporarily disengage from the rut. You might probably be doing the opposite of what you are doing now. You might have to step out to the world, do small things that uplifts, meet happier and sensible people. These can pave the way for permanent solution but be aware they are more like breathers. The problem is in the root. 

A permanent solution would be to understand yourself. Learn to look within to know why you desire certain things, why certain thoughts come to haunt you. The coming to know the reason behind them would point the right direction for the right set of actions. Work on the source than react to the situation on the surface. It takes commitment. If you are serious you would work for a permanent solution otherwise your want to be happy is only a wishful thinking.

The ugly side of Humility

Many like the idea of being humble. They take pride in their humility. They feel so good when someone compliments them as a humble person. They want more of it. These are the people who claim they have no ego. That's probably the biggest ego drive they have. To whom does that pride belong? To whom does that humility belong? Who in that person claims absence of ego? 

They know arrogance is no good. They don't want to be empty vessels that make more noise. So they reach to the other extreme of the scale, which is being humble. Although they are easy to move with and friendly these are the people who are fragile. They are the ones that get hurt easily. Anyone can ruffle their feelings. They treat others well and in turn expect the world to reciprocate. When that doesn't happen they are pained. They carry an expectation that humanity should appreciate their humility. It is a performance that needs recognition. In arrogance the ego is troubled and shaken. In humility the ego is caressed for later trouble.

Society and religion preaches you humility. It can be misleading. Instead of showing the balance, where an act is carried out independent of the prejudice, of arrogance and humility, it preaches one extreme over the other. It is because of this lop sided emphasis why we would find appeasement of wrong in the name of being good.

Humble people have dreams like any other. They don't flaunt their talents but secretly wish it is acknowledged. They want the limelight but expect to be prodded to take the stage. On the face it looks they are content with what they have but they are not. They don't realize that the very reason they try to be humble is to enhance their low self esteem. This humble behavior of theirs in the long run make them timid and shy. There is another set of people - celebrities, who are not shy of the limelight but would want to come across as humble. They like the tabloids to write about their humility in spite of their resounding success - another ego ride.

Both arrogance and humility are acts that stem from low self esteem. Humility can't be a cover up for arrogance. It is important that the reasons for ones low self esteem is addressed. Listen to your inner voice, your best friend, to know what action of yours would be a balanced act. A balanced act - free of arrogance and humility - could be a loud stern shout or a slap or a big grin or a simple glance or nothing. It is not the expression on the surface that matters but how complete one is within, from where that action sprung.

Why does one fail?

There could be any number of secondary factors but the primary factor that determines your success and failure is you.What your subconscious mind really wants decides the outcome and it overrides every hard slog and smart moves of yours.

One could consciously wish, pray and work for success but if you subconsciously carry a lingering doubt it would eventually play havoc. You could fall sick, run into unexpected situations, commit the unthinkable mistake or just about anything to make sure it is not favorable to you. The rules of destiny are simple. You always get what you want. Fortunately or unfortunately what you want subconsciously, that you had built over many many years from past actions and results, far outweighs what you want consciously ending in results that you may or not cherish.

The subconscious scar could be because of fear of failure, fear of success or strong desire for self deprecation and self pity or simple wishful thinking. Whatever the reason be it is enough to act as brakes to stop a success run. Though positive thinking may appear to alleviate self doubt in the short run, it only ends up colorfully clothing it. Self talks and loud expressions is not going to fool oneself for long. It would slowly begin to wither and drain you.

The simple solution is to take your legs of the brake instead of hard pressing the accelerator in the name of positive thinking. When you realize that you have created the brakes it would be lot easier to drop them. The momentum you would gain then would exceed your expectations and surpass many milestones.

Learning from Jealousy

Jealousy can be a sickening feeling. It is okay if it was just the reasons for jealousy without the disheartening feeling but it is like a double whammy where your friend has the cake and eats it too. All you can do is to gulp air down your throat seeing them eat it. Why does some of the successes and happiness of your friends cause jealousy while there are scores of successful celebrities faring much better than them don't? While successful celebrities can inspire why does the happiness of your friend cause heartburn? Jealousy is a peer group emotion. It is this group you use to evaluate yourself. You draw your strength, identity and most important your self-worth from this social setup. No one likes to look bad in their own eyes. 

Some feel jealous and crib. Some fight jealousy as a vice. Some suppress and party along. Just as much as one hides this jealousy the successful friend wants to flaunt it to be doubly assured that he indeed has done a worthy job. Many are disheartened if their social media posts don't get loads of likes. They want reassurance that they fit well. Both actions stem from the need to better their shaky self esteems. 

It is okay to be jealous. It is a natural human emotion that need not be seen as a negative energy to be slain. Shadow boxing would only tire you. It is important to understand what your heart is attempting to tell you. Listen to it as to why there is turbulence in the mind and what causes the low self esteem. Instead of feeling bad and fighting it you could use that to better understand yourself and work on your shortcomings. Befriending oneself is very essential. It holds the key to understand your real needs.

A content person who feels complete with oneself can never be jealous of another person. It is these doors of completeness that your heart wants to enter. Be complete and free yourself from clutches of jealousy.

Selfishness

Why is one selfish? Selfishness arises from the feeling of incompleteness or insecurity. We are not content with what we have and thereby want more of it believing it would make us feel better. A bar of chocolate when broken into two would usually undergo the scrutiny as to the size and length. Among mature friends it would go with a smirk and among juveniles it could be a fight.

Whatever a human does he does it for his need. Without anything for him in it he wouldn't lift a finger to make that great sacrifice. The reward could be money, pleasure, recognition, self esteem - anything that boosts his ego. A casual meeting of friends is to have fun. A couple deciding to have a kid is for their need maybe to have a lineage in place. Some do charity to derive happiness out of giving. They can't give away things that are of utmost important to them but only part those they can be without. Most parents sacrifice to see their kids do well because their happiness is dependent on how well the kids fare in life. At the surface it would look selfless but if the acts of sacrifice or charity give them displeasure they wouldn't continue. This is how existence is. There is nothing wrong about it.

The same person could be selfish in some acts and may appear not so in some other acts. In some aspects of life they feel incomplete while content with some other aspects. They could be content having fed well that they may not fight for a meal but could show their inadequate self in a traffic jam by tailing another vehicle blocking the pedestrian space to cross. It is so hard wired that they do it so subtly so well without awareness.

When the self looks at itself it mostly sees its inadequacy. It sees what is not. It is this inadequate feeling that leads to sadness and acts of selfishness. From the way one fills his meal plate to the speed and way one eats that food. From the way people talk to the way people dress up would exhibit their inadequacy. It is just the level and degree of inadequacy that varies. Some are called as selfish while the subtler ones could end up as philanthropists. 

Selfishness would disappear when the self sees its abundant nature. When it realizes it is already complete and that ignorance of its abundance brought about the absurd behavior. When selfishness drops you would be a compassionate being.

Live Happy

You can be happy. The good news is it is easy and the bad news is one looks at the wrong place. There was once a man with his head bent crawling around the pole of a well lit streetlamp. A passerby wanting to help asks the man what you are looking for. The man said he was searching for his car keys that he had lost two streets away. The perplexed Samaritan asked why you are searching here if you lost the key somewhere else. That's because there are no lights there replied the man. This is what most of us do in search of happiness. To fill the void one seeks happiness in chasing wrong pursuits. They believe that more of something that they already have would make them happy for sure. If what they already have doesn't give them any satisfaction no more of the same is going to give them happiness. For example if a man has few thousand dollars in possession and he believes he can be happy with little more, when he gets that little more his wants grow so does the need for money but the constant worry for money remains. There are cases of the rich and the famous committing suicide anyways.

The legend tells when God created man he contemplated as to where to place his happiness. To make life interesting he wanted the key to abundance to be hid from man. He discounted hiding it in the distant galaxy or in the deep seas for he knew man would one day travel beyond the skies and explore the deepest of the oceans. He speculated stashing it in the material world around him but that didn't ring bell either. Burying it up in the heart of another person is futile as man is a social being and he would seek the company of others. So God finally thought that the best place to hide it is within the man himself. He was pretty sure that he would go about looking everywhere outside him but never find it until the day he starts to look within.

So how does one look within? What is to search within? It is not a tangible blob that is hidden inside that can be perceived by the five senses. It is beyond the senses but a genuine seeker would find it through meditation and contemplation. For a start one can calmly watch the subtle cycles of thoughts and emotions. It is thinking without awareness that causes the emotional roller-coasters. If one can realize that the one who is aware of the thought is different from the thought itself then glimpses of permanent bliss begin to permeate. Find yourself. Be Happy. 

Searching for darkness with lights ON

Hey I am searching for darkness. I need your help to find it. I have switched ON the most illuminating lights that mankind has ever created. I have engaged professional lights-Guru to light up the whole place under search. Lights above, below, on the sides, at all angles and at varying luminosity  Yet I don't find it. I have been looking for this darkness for quiet some time and I am desperate. Can you please help?

But wait a minute why am I searching for darkness. I met this man, there was something extremely serene about him. He seemed to be a very wise man. I asked him that I am looking to find the Self. He started laughing. He said you are already that, you are the self. You must have lost some bearings. I grinned and said. Yes I know that, but I am talking about the Self, that all spiritual people search. The self that is beyond the facade of Maya.

Oh that one, he started to chuckle again. How can you find something that doesn't exist? What on earth? Now I began to wonder if this wise man had lost his sanity. The secret is there is no secret. It is Nothing! he said amused at my wide open mouth. It looks like a dialogue he had lifted from the Kung Fu Panda movie. If you know how the self would look it would be lot more easier to search for he said nonchalantly. Do you know what to look for? I scratched my head and said I think it is a very bright light, something that shines beautifully. He nodded and said the sun is the brightest light that humans have ever seen. Do you think that your self is brighter than that? Do you think that much brightness can be hidden ? I looked at him with a very blank mind. The sun has another 500 million years to go before it dies. Does that mean God would die then? Now I really need my shots of Tequila. Where is this all leading to? I wondered.

Don't you think that something that had a beginning will have an end. If big bang theory made the sun alive, wont the light die one day? When the candle had burnt would the light continue? Are you not searching for something that is transient? I said looks like. So what do I look for? He looked perplexed and said  Look for nothing. I asked How is that possible? I have to look for something. How else can i find the self? Please tell me what to look for. He said if you insist then I will tell you how nothing looks like. Wow thats some sense of relief. I can now find Nothing easily I thought to myself. Nothing is dark, empty and silent. These would remain for eternity because these are not manifested said the wise man. Before I could understand what he said he left in a hurry as if he saw no hope in my quest.

That day I decided to search for this darkness. I read all the spiritual books, all the holy books, the philosophies, listened and read all works of great masters. I chanted mantras and sang in choirs, participated in spiritual discussions and debates, I contemplated many years under the sun, top of alps, inside caves, under the Earth, below the sea, in the rains, every damn place on earth. Whatever metamorphic light my mind could lay hands I would do that including e-spirituality, technology has left no stone untouched. so I joined spiritual networks, read blogs and posted comments. AND I AM TIRED. My mind is really tired of this search.

Now you know why am I looking. Can anyone help me find darkness? I have all the illuminating knowledge. And my brightest light that is ever kept ON is my mind. A logical thinking mind. Damn! I am getting very upset and angry. I have reached the threshold.

I am frustruated and I care damn for the  Self anymore. I am switching OFF all the illuminating crazy knowledge about the Self. BAM, BAM.  What is that unusual silence I am beginning to hear? Hey dude It is dark and getting darker by the second. The fringes of the fading light points to the ever present darkness! This is what I have been looking for. Eureka!

Dude how could I search for darkness with lights ON?     LOL...... HAHAHAHA .... ROFL

(P.S. - Knowledge is so useful but it can turn out to be a stumbling block. Know when not to dwell in it. Truth is beyond the logic of Mind.)

Nature of Mind

The nature of mind is very logical. The function of the mind is to question, analyse, dissect and infer a result that is logically sound. Does that mean the mind remains quiet on arrival of a result? Does the mind stop with the knowing? No the mind takes nothing on its face value. It has to evaluate the information and only if it is convinced it accepts it otherwise it is armed with reasons for rejections.

An excerpt from the to be released novel 'Rising above the spheres of fear' states "How can the mind accept knowledge and be quiet? Knowledge means what the mind has discovered so far. The mind is a doubting mind. It is a probing mind trying to come up with theories to disprove knowledge so as to discover more. That is the reason scientific theories get constantly updated or replaced. Thoughts that were constructed based on some factors can fall flat when a new factor is introduced. Mind is a bag of thoughts. Whatever the mind depicts the truth to be, it has to be flawed." 

This has happened in our lives. What was right today turns out to be wrong tomorrow. Take the instance of cannibalism. Man thought it was okay to eat another man, but today because of the collective conscience the society perceives it as not correct. With newer experiences and better understanding there is a update to what we know. There is no end where one can say I know it 100% now. The knowledge that we hold on proudly has an expiry date. Wonder where the arrogance of knowing comes from.

The mind is at the mercy of thoughts. There is no right or wrong thought but you enact whatever you think is right at that moment. Mind has the capability of coming up with different reactions at different times for the same situation. It is like closing your eyes and picking a random chit in a lucky draw. You may train your mind to behave in a particular manner under particular situations. You may even succeed few times but then you will be disappointed with yourself for being caught off-guard at times. Controlling the mind is the most unnatural way. It is easier to control a gusty wind. It will wear you off. It is prudence to understand and accept the nature of your mind. This brings in lot of harmony in your being. This allows you to be in tune with existence.

The nature of mind is unpredictable. Random thought determines the current state of the mind. The mind itself has no clue as to how it would behave in ground zero. If such is the nature of the mind how can any thought lead to enlightenment? how can it illumine the self? Will it not be a fallacy projected out of the limited knowledge? Wont it be like the blind men and the elephant story?

Does that mean the mind is of no use to realize the truth? Yes and No. It is extremely useful to contemplate, understand and see the veil. It is like using the boat to cross the river. Once you cross the river you don't carry the boat on your shoulders. In the same way there comes a stage where the mind would be the stumbling block to realization of the self. The TRUTH is not a minuscule thought that is prone to change from time to time. You have to go beyond the mind to realize the truth!

(Some are excerpts from the Book - Rising above the Spheres of Fear www.facebook.com/book.fear)