Accepting Oneself

We like to be seen important, witty, intelligent, smart etc,. If we are not naturally good at it we do things artificially to communicate such an impression. We do this as a way of protecting our self image or to create a sense of belonging. We build images of ourselves that makes us feel good. This is the facade that we want the world to see and associate us with. This is a projection which is not our true self. The more we wrap a cocoon out of fear and insecurity the more we fail to be oneself.

Be yourself. Stop the performance so you get accepted. There will always be people who would admire you for who you are. Let your interaction with this world be natural.

If you don't accept yourself as you are who else would. Drop the mask and be free.

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The Need for Attention

Every time we get a like on the profile pic or any post that we have uploaded on social media it makes us feel good. It is an indication that some action of ours has caught the attention of someone. The more the like count the greater is the joy. It gives us a sense of feeling that something we do is liked by others and so must be correct.

On the surface it looks perfectly fine but deep down the message is loud and clear that we need the world to constantly assure us and validate us. It is a sign that one is not sure about oneself. It is a shout from within on the lacking sense of self worth. It is a sign that one is not solid within.

The more we turn a blind eye the more we get hooked on to the false sense of completeness. We start doing many things to get the world to notice us. We want to know what our friends, neighbors and the world think about us. We become prisoners of thought. What we assume that others would think would determine our actions and not what is the most appropriate behavior.

Our self esteem then is like a weather bell, tossing the moods between excitement and depression. In such oscillation there is no way of finding your serene Self.

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Ego is not a villain

Ego is vilified as an impediment in the spiritual path. We like to destroy this evil force. We like to do the opposite of whatever we consider as an egoistic act. We try to be humble. We try to love.

The desire to destroy the ego belongs to the ego. It is ego's plan to destroy itself to obtain something else, say the blessings of God or peace of mind or for some other it could be enlightenment.

There are two flaws in this approach. One the physical body can be killed by a physical act but for the ego to kill itself it has no idea how to do it. It can't say or think from now on I am dead and remain dead. Two if it does the impossible who would be the beneficiary of the fantasized goodies once it is dead?

You are the ego. Ego is not a villain. It is the ignorance that one has to remove to be aware each moment. When the ego is aware of its actions tranquility sets in.

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Being Good to others and Oneself

There are many good people who love to do good to others. They like to come across as friendly and fair. Their desire to be seen good could be immense that they don't mind sacrificing their happiness and well being. From an observer's point of view she is good to the other and bad to oneself.

Why would one do an act that is good to someone but end up bad to oneself? Shouldn't the need to be good to other applied to the self as well? Why is assertiveness so tough? Why is the balance missing?

The need to be good is different from being good. In being good there is balance. There would be natural assertiveness not planned assertiveness. There could be sacrifice but not to please or for appreciation.

In the need to be good one might bend more than required to please the other and in the process hurt themselves. They are hurt that their goodness is not recognized. They are infuriated when their goodness is taken for a ride.

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Compassion

Hate hates to forgive. Love loves to forgive. Compassion wasn't hurt to forgive.

Hate attempts to expand its boundaries through violence. Love attempts to expand its boundaries through appeasement. Compassion doesn't expand as it has no boundaries.

Hate attempts to remove insecurity by destruction. Love attempts to remove insecurity by inclusion. Compassion is beyond insecure delusions.

Hate has mission. Love has purpose. Compassion has no agenda.

Hate sees the other as enemy. Love sees the other as friend. Compassion sees the other as self.

Hate needs love to thrive. Love needs hate to serve. Compassion needs neither.

Hate connives. Love fantasizes. Compassion witnesses.

Hate hurts. Love soothes. Compassion heals.

Hate believes in doomsday. Love believes in judgement day. Compassion is about today.

Hate experiences sadness. Love experiences joy. Compassion experiences Bliss.

Hate resides in your mind. Love resides in your heart. Compassion resides in you.

Hate is out of arrogance. Love is out of ignorance. Compassion is out of awareness.

Dealing with Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts can be damning. One negative thought leads to another and by the time you realize a castle of doom is built. The dreamer fuses life into it and carries this monster 24x7. Peace of mind is forsaken but plans of how to beat the imagined demon occupies the mind. Thoughts of shame, of danger lurking, of failures and many similar thoughts make life hell. 

The world out there seem to be so happy except you. It looks like it is mocking at your miseries. It appears that you have been hand picked for persecution. You have a tiny tinge of hope somewhere deep inside secretly wishing that your worries evaporate. Self pity and self deprecation becomes your favorite hobby.

Thoughts per se are neither negative nor positive. It is simply a manifestation that has occurred in your mind. Thoughts that are not to your liking are labeled as negative and those that make you feel good are seen as positive thoughts. What is positive thought to you could be a negative thought to someone else. You are a body of desires. Each desire seeks its fulfillment. You comprehend these emotions through thoughts. One part of you wants fulfillment of those desires and another part of it - your values, your constraints etc - stops it from happening. You are not sure what needs to be done to feel content. It seem to be never ending tussle.

Dropping desire is not possible because you didn't create the desire. It just happened to you. Suppressing desire is not going to be effective in the long run. It makes you desperate and vulnerable to irreversible mistakes. Working to fulfill won't end it either. You would want more of it - like more money, more recognition. So how do one be immune to negative thoughts?

A temporary solution is to wait for the change in tide that brings momentary uplifting thoughts. You can also attempt to force exciting thoughts that seem to bring results in the short term but know it would wear you out mentally in the long run. That's how positive thinking works. It is like an emergency medication not for daily usage. 

Filling your mind with happy events of the past and promising future would temporarily disengage from the rut. You might probably be doing the opposite of what you are doing now. You might have to step out to the world, do small things that uplifts, meet happier and sensible people. These can pave the way for permanent solution but be aware they are more like breathers. The problem is in the root. 

A permanent solution would be to understand yourself. Learn to look within to know why you desire certain things, why certain thoughts come to haunt you. The coming to know the reason behind them would point the right direction for the right set of actions. Work on the source than react to the situation on the surface. It takes commitment. If you are serious you would work for a permanent solution otherwise your want to be happy is only a wishful thinking.

The ugly side of Humility

Many like the idea of being humble. They take pride in their humility. They feel so good when someone compliments them as a humble person. They want more of it. These are the people who claim they have no ego. That's probably the biggest ego drive they have. To whom does that pride belong? To whom does that humility belong? Who in that person claims absence of ego? 

They know arrogance is no good. They don't want to be empty vessels that make more noise. So they reach to the other extreme of the scale, which is being humble. Although they are easy to move with and friendly these are the people who are fragile. They are the ones that get hurt easily. Anyone can ruffle their feelings. They treat others well and in turn expect the world to reciprocate. When that doesn't happen they are pained. They carry an expectation that humanity should appreciate their humility. It is a performance that needs recognition. In arrogance the ego is troubled and shaken. In humility the ego is caressed for later trouble.

Society and religion preaches you humility. It can be misleading. Instead of showing the balance, where an act is carried out independent of the prejudice, of arrogance and humility, it preaches one extreme over the other. It is because of this lop sided emphasis why we would find appeasement of wrong in the name of being good.

Humble people have dreams like any other. They don't flaunt their talents but secretly wish it is acknowledged. They want the limelight but expect to be prodded to take the stage. On the face it looks they are content with what they have but they are not. They don't realize that the very reason they try to be humble is to enhance their low self esteem. This humble behavior of theirs in the long run make them timid and shy. There is another set of people - celebrities, who are not shy of the limelight but would want to come across as humble. They like the tabloids to write about their humility in spite of their resounding success - another ego ride.

Both arrogance and humility are acts that stem from low self esteem. Humility can't be a cover up for arrogance. It is important that the reasons for ones low self esteem is addressed. Listen to your inner voice, your best friend, to know what action of yours would be a balanced act. A balanced act - free of arrogance and humility - could be a loud stern shout or a slap or a big grin or a simple glance or nothing. It is not the expression on the surface that matters but how complete one is within, from where that action sprung.

Nature of Mind

The nature of mind is very logical. The function of the mind is to question, analyse, dissect and infer a result that is logically sound. Does that mean the mind remains quiet on arrival of a result? Does the mind stop with the knowing? No the mind takes nothing on its face value. It has to evaluate the information and only if it is convinced it accepts it otherwise it is armed with reasons for rejections.

An excerpt from the to be released novel 'Rising above the spheres of fear' states "How can the mind accept knowledge and be quiet? Knowledge means what the mind has discovered so far. The mind is a doubting mind. It is a probing mind trying to come up with theories to disprove knowledge so as to discover more. That is the reason scientific theories get constantly updated or replaced. Thoughts that were constructed based on some factors can fall flat when a new factor is introduced. Mind is a bag of thoughts. Whatever the mind depicts the truth to be, it has to be flawed." 

This has happened in our lives. What was right today turns out to be wrong tomorrow. Take the instance of cannibalism. Man thought it was okay to eat another man, but today because of the collective conscience the society perceives it as not correct. With newer experiences and better understanding there is a update to what we know. There is no end where one can say I know it 100% now. The knowledge that we hold on proudly has an expiry date. Wonder where the arrogance of knowing comes from.

The mind is at the mercy of thoughts. There is no right or wrong thought but you enact whatever you think is right at that moment. Mind has the capability of coming up with different reactions at different times for the same situation. It is like closing your eyes and picking a random chit in a lucky draw. You may train your mind to behave in a particular manner under particular situations. You may even succeed few times but then you will be disappointed with yourself for being caught off-guard at times. Controlling the mind is the most unnatural way. It is easier to control a gusty wind. It will wear you off. It is prudence to understand and accept the nature of your mind. This brings in lot of harmony in your being. This allows you to be in tune with existence.

The nature of mind is unpredictable. Random thought determines the current state of the mind. The mind itself has no clue as to how it would behave in ground zero. If such is the nature of the mind how can any thought lead to enlightenment? how can it illumine the self? Will it not be a fallacy projected out of the limited knowledge? Wont it be like the blind men and the elephant story?

Does that mean the mind is of no use to realize the truth? Yes and No. It is extremely useful to contemplate, understand and see the veil. It is like using the boat to cross the river. Once you cross the river you don't carry the boat on your shoulders. In the same way there comes a stage where the mind would be the stumbling block to realization of the self. The TRUTH is not a minuscule thought that is prone to change from time to time. You have to go beyond the mind to realize the truth!

(Some are excerpts from the Book - Rising above the Spheres of Fear www.facebook.com/book.fear)