Self Pity

As a child we all have cried for many reasons. We have cried in pain, hunger, fear and just about for many reasons. As kids we have learnt that crying gets attention, love and sympathy. These emotions comfort us and relieve nerves of insecurity.

As adults not much of our core changes. This active need for attention and validation continues. Not every time the world is going to stand next to you with a handkerchief in hand. One easy way to get attention and sympathy is from one's own.

Self pity paints us a saint in our eyes and wonder why the world is so devilish to us. We wonder why the world refuses to understand or reciprocate your goodness. The pain is ironically alluring.

For some the addiction of self pity is so strong that they refuse to let go. They attract more downfalls and sadness to crib about. If desire to be happy is no wishful thinking stop self pity.

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Being Good to others and Oneself

There are many good people who love to do good to others. They like to come across as friendly and fair. Their desire to be seen good could be immense that they don't mind sacrificing their happiness and well being. From an observer's point of view she is good to the other and bad to oneself.

Why would one do an act that is good to someone but end up bad to oneself? Shouldn't the need to be good to other applied to the self as well? Why is assertiveness so tough? Why is the balance missing?

The need to be good is different from being good. In being good there is balance. There would be natural assertiveness not planned assertiveness. There could be sacrifice but not to please or for appreciation.

In the need to be good one might bend more than required to please the other and in the process hurt themselves. They are hurt that their goodness is not recognized. They are infuriated when their goodness is taken for a ride.

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Belief to Knowing to Realization

If you are a believer in divinity let that belief turn to knowing and then to realization. You don't believe you have a hand? you know you have it. right? Belief is needed only when there is a doubt. Without direct realizing the divinity it remains elusive and unknown - a blind baseless belief that was passed down by the society we live in.

To know God the first step is stop fearing him. Don't look at divinity as consumed with trigger happy tempers. It is not another human entity who would react like humans and judge our ignorant behaviors.

If we know it all we wouldn't be ignorant. Divinity can't judge any such act done out of ignorance and helplessness. When you fear

God you are belittling his compassionate nature. You demonize him.

If you want to connect to God you have to question his existence. Suppressing this question out of fear is not expressing immense faith in God but you are masking your simmering doubts with a face of a devout. That's a lie which the compassionate divinity wants you to get out. It wants you to be true to yourself first so your reverence to it is genuine too.

When you start questioning you question all your beliefs, your ideas, your texts, your opinions - just about everything that has blocked you from knowing the truth. You genuinely seek not blindly accept what has been told or written. It might shatter all the existing beliefs in the process but it doesn't stop the quest to taste divinity.

The connect between you and divinity already exists. Let not another human or book or ritual stop you from realizing the divinity. When you realize the divinity, your life is one of awareness, bliss and compassion. You are complete for the first time.

Negative Emotions

All the so called negative emotions like jealousy, anger, hatred, envy, sadistic pleasures and many other stem from insecurity. Insecurities are fears that has arisen out of the idea me vs rest of the world. A sense of separateness from the rest of the world. It is the idea of the ego. It is out of ignorance the human mind imagines so.

In order to survive one either fights or compromises. We pick fights with strangers and put up with bosses. If rubbed on the wrong side we show our displeasure to people who are meek and swallow pride if they are hulks and psychos.

So long the ignorance of Oneness exists the illusions of separation would exist. The drama would continue until one goes beyond the veils of Illusion or Maya. In Oneness you don't see the world as a threat to your existence. In Oneness there could be no ill feelings towards others. You would be a fountain of compassion. People would love to associate with you.

Compassion

Hate hates to forgive. Love loves to forgive. Compassion wasn't hurt to forgive.

Hate attempts to expand its boundaries through violence. Love attempts to expand its boundaries through appeasement. Compassion doesn't expand as it has no boundaries.

Hate attempts to remove insecurity by destruction. Love attempts to remove insecurity by inclusion. Compassion is beyond insecure delusions.

Hate has mission. Love has purpose. Compassion has no agenda.

Hate sees the other as enemy. Love sees the other as friend. Compassion sees the other as self.

Hate needs love to thrive. Love needs hate to serve. Compassion needs neither.

Hate connives. Love fantasizes. Compassion witnesses.

Hate hurts. Love soothes. Compassion heals.

Hate believes in doomsday. Love believes in judgement day. Compassion is about today.

Hate experiences sadness. Love experiences joy. Compassion experiences Bliss.

Hate resides in your mind. Love resides in your heart. Compassion resides in you.

Hate is out of arrogance. Love is out of ignorance. Compassion is out of awareness.

Clarity

When we have no idea what to do in life or Whenever we are lost and confused we wish for clarity. We hope for some clue or a divine message that tell us what to do and how to do. We wish we know where it is heading or how it would end up.

Clarity is not about what next or how to go about from where you are or predicting your future but it is about being totally present and alive this very moment. 

When you are fully aware of this moment you have total understanding of the moment. When you carry this clarity moment to moment you have clarity forever. That clarity each moment transforms your life for better.

Dealing with Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts can be damning. One negative thought leads to another and by the time you realize a castle of doom is built. The dreamer fuses life into it and carries this monster 24x7. Peace of mind is forsaken but plans of how to beat the imagined demon occupies the mind. Thoughts of shame, of danger lurking, of failures and many similar thoughts make life hell. 

The world out there seem to be so happy except you. It looks like it is mocking at your miseries. It appears that you have been hand picked for persecution. You have a tiny tinge of hope somewhere deep inside secretly wishing that your worries evaporate. Self pity and self deprecation becomes your favorite hobby.

Thoughts per se are neither negative nor positive. It is simply a manifestation that has occurred in your mind. Thoughts that are not to your liking are labeled as negative and those that make you feel good are seen as positive thoughts. What is positive thought to you could be a negative thought to someone else. You are a body of desires. Each desire seeks its fulfillment. You comprehend these emotions through thoughts. One part of you wants fulfillment of those desires and another part of it - your values, your constraints etc - stops it from happening. You are not sure what needs to be done to feel content. It seem to be never ending tussle.

Dropping desire is not possible because you didn't create the desire. It just happened to you. Suppressing desire is not going to be effective in the long run. It makes you desperate and vulnerable to irreversible mistakes. Working to fulfill won't end it either. You would want more of it - like more money, more recognition. So how do one be immune to negative thoughts?

A temporary solution is to wait for the change in tide that brings momentary uplifting thoughts. You can also attempt to force exciting thoughts that seem to bring results in the short term but know it would wear you out mentally in the long run. That's how positive thinking works. It is like an emergency medication not for daily usage. 

Filling your mind with happy events of the past and promising future would temporarily disengage from the rut. You might probably be doing the opposite of what you are doing now. You might have to step out to the world, do small things that uplifts, meet happier and sensible people. These can pave the way for permanent solution but be aware they are more like breathers. The problem is in the root. 

A permanent solution would be to understand yourself. Learn to look within to know why you desire certain things, why certain thoughts come to haunt you. The coming to know the reason behind them would point the right direction for the right set of actions. Work on the source than react to the situation on the surface. It takes commitment. If you are serious you would work for a permanent solution otherwise your want to be happy is only a wishful thinking.