Learning from Jealousy

Jealousy can be a sickening feeling. It is okay if it was just the reasons for jealousy without the disheartening feeling but it is like a double whammy where your friend has the cake and eats it too. All you can do is to gulp air down your throat seeing them eat it. Why does some of the successes and happiness of your friends cause jealousy while there are scores of successful celebrities faring much better than them don't? While successful celebrities can inspire why does the happiness of your friend cause heartburn? Jealousy is a peer group emotion. It is this group you use to evaluate yourself. You draw your strength, identity and most important your self-worth from this social setup. No one likes to look bad in their own eyes. 

Some feel jealous and crib. Some fight jealousy as a vice. Some suppress and party along. Just as much as one hides this jealousy the successful friend wants to flaunt it to be doubly assured that he indeed has done a worthy job. Many are disheartened if their social media posts don't get loads of likes. They want reassurance that they fit well. Both actions stem from the need to better their shaky self esteems. 

It is okay to be jealous. It is a natural human emotion that need not be seen as a negative energy to be slain. Shadow boxing would only tire you. It is important to understand what your heart is attempting to tell you. Listen to it as to why there is turbulence in the mind and what causes the low self esteem. Instead of feeling bad and fighting it you could use that to better understand yourself and work on your shortcomings. Befriending oneself is very essential. It holds the key to understand your real needs.

A content person who feels complete with oneself can never be jealous of another person. It is these doors of completeness that your heart wants to enter. Be complete and free yourself from clutches of jealousy.

Freewill is Destiny

Destiny is perceived as predetermined sequence of events where humans have no control, whereas freewill is perceived as giving that control to human to choose between options. In destiny he sees himself as a mere boat with no paddles, whereas in freewill he has the paddle to row anywhere he wishes. It is human nature that desires to be in control. The need for control arises due to the insecurity of the unknown and uncertainty. When everything is in control it gives a sense of security that life goes according to one's dream and the desired destination would be reached. It is this false hope that makes human less adventurous and more fearful. It makes him limited and makes him settle for less.

The key to understand whether it is destiny or freewill lies in how we think because our actions stem from thoughts. You don't foresee or plan a particular thought to occur. Thought happens by itself and you get to be aware of such a thought in your mind. Thousands of thoughts happen in your mind and it didn't wait for your permission before cropping up. This is randomness of thoughts occurring, it is not predestined but as it unfolds. Man hates to be puppet, but he has to realize no one is sitting above and controlling his life. There is no sadist out there but life blooms as it happens in the now. Just like a wind changes direction moment to moment so does your mind rattle with thoughts and the following actions. 

In fact it is because of this randomness of destiny it appears 'as if'' there is freewill. It is the randomness of the thoughts, the decisions and the following actions that makes life uncertain, colorful and vibrant. If it had been freewill all human actions are predictable as he would only choose and do what he already knows and likes, which is going to be limited and stagnant. Just like a computer program that performs an action for a given set of conditions so would the human behavior be. He would be a glorified robot picking up actions that is already predetermined and programmed. It is destiny that alters this predestined behavior and gives an illusion of freewill.

It is destiny that you are reading this although you can claim that you made a choice to read it. It is destiny that makes you say aye or nay for destiny. Freewill is part and parcel of destiny.

Selfishness

Why is one selfish? Selfishness arises from the feeling of incompleteness or insecurity. We are not content with what we have and thereby want more of it believing it would make us feel better. A bar of chocolate when broken into two would usually undergo the scrutiny as to the size and length. Among mature friends it would go with a smirk and among juveniles it could be a fight.

Whatever a human does he does it for his need. Without anything for him in it he wouldn't lift a finger to make that great sacrifice. The reward could be money, pleasure, recognition, self esteem - anything that boosts his ego. A casual meeting of friends is to have fun. A couple deciding to have a kid is for their need maybe to have a lineage in place. Some do charity to derive happiness out of giving. They can't give away things that are of utmost important to them but only part those they can be without. Most parents sacrifice to see their kids do well because their happiness is dependent on how well the kids fare in life. At the surface it would look selfless but if the acts of sacrifice or charity give them displeasure they wouldn't continue. This is how existence is. There is nothing wrong about it.

The same person could be selfish in some acts and may appear not so in some other acts. In some aspects of life they feel incomplete while content with some other aspects. They could be content having fed well that they may not fight for a meal but could show their inadequate self in a traffic jam by tailing another vehicle blocking the pedestrian space to cross. It is so hard wired that they do it so subtly so well without awareness.

When the self looks at itself it mostly sees its inadequacy. It sees what is not. It is this inadequate feeling that leads to sadness and acts of selfishness. From the way one fills his meal plate to the speed and way one eats that food. From the way people talk to the way people dress up would exhibit their inadequacy. It is just the level and degree of inadequacy that varies. Some are called as selfish while the subtler ones could end up as philanthropists. 

Selfishness would disappear when the self sees its abundant nature. When it realizes it is already complete and that ignorance of its abundance brought about the absurd behavior. When selfishness drops you would be a compassionate being.

Live Happy

You can be happy. The good news is it is easy and the bad news is one looks at the wrong place. There was once a man with his head bent crawling around the pole of a well lit streetlamp. A passerby wanting to help asks the man what you are looking for. The man said he was searching for his car keys that he had lost two streets away. The perplexed Samaritan asked why you are searching here if you lost the key somewhere else. That's because there are no lights there replied the man. This is what most of us do in search of happiness. To fill the void one seeks happiness in chasing wrong pursuits. They believe that more of something that they already have would make them happy for sure. If what they already have doesn't give them any satisfaction no more of the same is going to give them happiness. For example if a man has few thousand dollars in possession and he believes he can be happy with little more, when he gets that little more his wants grow so does the need for money but the constant worry for money remains. There are cases of the rich and the famous committing suicide anyways.

The legend tells when God created man he contemplated as to where to place his happiness. To make life interesting he wanted the key to abundance to be hid from man. He discounted hiding it in the distant galaxy or in the deep seas for he knew man would one day travel beyond the skies and explore the deepest of the oceans. He speculated stashing it in the material world around him but that didn't ring bell either. Burying it up in the heart of another person is futile as man is a social being and he would seek the company of others. So God finally thought that the best place to hide it is within the man himself. He was pretty sure that he would go about looking everywhere outside him but never find it until the day he starts to look within.

So how does one look within? What is to search within? It is not a tangible blob that is hidden inside that can be perceived by the five senses. It is beyond the senses but a genuine seeker would find it through meditation and contemplation. For a start one can calmly watch the subtle cycles of thoughts and emotions. It is thinking without awareness that causes the emotional roller-coasters. If one can realize that the one who is aware of the thought is different from the thought itself then glimpses of permanent bliss begin to permeate. Find yourself. Be Happy. 

Nourish the roots for effortless blooming

The focus had always been on the external. The bigger the cars the bigger the house the bigger is the superficial satisfaction and that too for a while. Most humans live for the attention of their friends, spouse, colleagues, family and neighbors. They hardly live for their oneself. The craving inner call is ignored to meet the demands of the social calls. Sadly their self esteem is too low that they have to rely on the support, approval and validation based on the number of likes and comments both in real life and social media. Their ego feels small and unimportant that they want to showcase themselves as important and how do they do it? They do it by sprucing up their external appearance - lifestyle, behavior, body language, high talks etc. They enjoy the envy as it ups their self esteem.

Right from childhood as humans we try to better our external life all the while ignoring the inner soul. We like to cover up the inner sadness by a glowing smile, we believe in cosmetic changes rather than nourishing the inner being. We work for the best of career, trophy worthy spouse, flashy cars, exotic holidays, flamboyant lifestyle, world fame and glory and when we achieve it we always find something amiss. So we look on bettering the external life not realizing the true permanent bliss in not on flimsy changing environment but it has to be something that is ever stable and unwavering. We constantly look for contentment at the wrong places.

There is nothing wrong in riches and a lavish lifestyle but if its roots are not well founded from within then it is clumsy show that gets the world's attention but fails to wake you up to the real bliss of life. It is more like a zombie that gets acknowledged.

When one discovers oneself that is when the roots are nourished. When the focus is inner than external true living can ever happen. When the roots are strong no painful efforts are required for the blooming to happen outside. The blooming is so natural and it is most beautiful. The external blooming is not important to that person but it happens anyways. Everything around that person has the sweet smelling fragrance of life. No external factors can uproot him. He is one with the whole cosmic energy. The best of external life come in search of that person. The search for contentment ends and life around him blooms in the brightest colors. 

Quest for the Source

Long eons earlier far away from the habitation of living being, was a very serene lake nestled in a valley. It was still, as if dead for a very long time. Even the wildest storms couldn't cause a ripple to shake it to life. Then one day magic happened. A manifestation. There was a new form of being, floating on the water, yet there were no ripples in the lake. On a closer look you find a small ice cube bursting out of the water sheet.  This ice cube had a unique property, it can be aware. It can experience life around. Unlike water it can imagine, contemplate and think. Gleaming beautifully in the rising sun giving a hoot to the world it merrily swims in the lake with growing arrogance arising from its unique ability. Little did it know that unlike its source it is susceptible to forces of existence.

Many years pass by before the ice cube loses its sheen of arrogance. Its intelligence is no more good enough to handle extreme life situations. Threats from wind, debris, heat and dirt has mellowed it. The beautiful deep blues has faded, the sharpness of the edges are battered. It began to realize the possibility of some higher force working on its way of life. It had long back realized when it moves from one part of the lake to another that the propulsion was from somewhere else. It was just reacting to life forces. It had a feeling that there was no freewill. It wanted to know if its efforts make any sense at all. It wanted to know who is in charge. The quest to know the source begins in the right earnest.

Few more years pass by. Deep pondering gives the much needed direction. The heat and light from deep contemplation has shrunk the ego thus reducing its size. Deeper and deeper meditation melts the ice cube so much so that it eventually becomes water one day. It has unknowingly reached the very source water it sought. There is no more illusion no more separation no more duality.

I wait for the ice cube to surface again, to tell me about what is "Being". I want to hear the first hand experience of the Oneness. I wait for a very long time until something cracked inside me. There is no more ice cube to tell you the story. The unique ability of the ice cube to experience is watered down. 

After many days as I happened to pass by the lake I was animated seeing the ice cube again. But this time, there was something more serene about it. It had a radiating glow wrapped with an aura of humility and compassion. My questions reappeared. I asked the same question hoping that my findings are wrong. It said "when I was one with the source I didn't exist". But not to let go off the topic I ask "Was it silent? Was it peaceful?" It said "There is no such experience in the Oneness. There can't be any kind experience because as I said I didn't exist separate from the water during those moments. When I don't exist how can i experience?". Hearing such a profound statement I stand there motionless. Taking pity it said "When I am there, God is not. When God is there, I am not."

Being upset and unhappy hearing that in Oneness there is no experience of bliss, silence and peace. I ask "Why did you return". It said "I dont know how I came back. But coming back has made me realize who the boss is. I have no more wounds to be healed. I am purified and I radiate love. I no more fancy illusions because I live in the eternal now. Everything around me happens so effortlessly. I have deeper experience  of life. There is much more awareness. In the Oneness you can't do all that."

Searching for darkness with lights ON

Hey I am searching for darkness. I need your help to find it. I have switched ON the most illuminating lights that mankind has ever created. I have engaged professional lights-Guru to light up the whole place under search. Lights above, below, on the sides, at all angles and at varying luminosity  Yet I don't find it. I have been looking for this darkness for quiet some time and I am desperate. Can you please help?

But wait a minute why am I searching for darkness. I met this man, there was something extremely serene about him. He seemed to be a very wise man. I asked him that I am looking to find the Self. He started laughing. He said you are already that, you are the self. You must have lost some bearings. I grinned and said. Yes I know that, but I am talking about the Self, that all spiritual people search. The self that is beyond the facade of Maya.

Oh that one, he started to chuckle again. How can you find something that doesn't exist? What on earth? Now I began to wonder if this wise man had lost his sanity. The secret is there is no secret. It is Nothing! he said amused at my wide open mouth. It looks like a dialogue he had lifted from the Kung Fu Panda movie. If you know how the self would look it would be lot more easier to search for he said nonchalantly. Do you know what to look for? I scratched my head and said I think it is a very bright light, something that shines beautifully. He nodded and said the sun is the brightest light that humans have ever seen. Do you think that your self is brighter than that? Do you think that much brightness can be hidden ? I looked at him with a very blank mind. The sun has another 500 million years to go before it dies. Does that mean God would die then? Now I really need my shots of Tequila. Where is this all leading to? I wondered.

Don't you think that something that had a beginning will have an end. If big bang theory made the sun alive, wont the light die one day? When the candle had burnt would the light continue? Are you not searching for something that is transient? I said looks like. So what do I look for? He looked perplexed and said  Look for nothing. I asked How is that possible? I have to look for something. How else can i find the self? Please tell me what to look for. He said if you insist then I will tell you how nothing looks like. Wow thats some sense of relief. I can now find Nothing easily I thought to myself. Nothing is dark, empty and silent. These would remain for eternity because these are not manifested said the wise man. Before I could understand what he said he left in a hurry as if he saw no hope in my quest.

That day I decided to search for this darkness. I read all the spiritual books, all the holy books, the philosophies, listened and read all works of great masters. I chanted mantras and sang in choirs, participated in spiritual discussions and debates, I contemplated many years under the sun, top of alps, inside caves, under the Earth, below the sea, in the rains, every damn place on earth. Whatever metamorphic light my mind could lay hands I would do that including e-spirituality, technology has left no stone untouched. so I joined spiritual networks, read blogs and posted comments. AND I AM TIRED. My mind is really tired of this search.

Now you know why am I looking. Can anyone help me find darkness? I have all the illuminating knowledge. And my brightest light that is ever kept ON is my mind. A logical thinking mind. Damn! I am getting very upset and angry. I have reached the threshold.

I am frustruated and I care damn for the  Self anymore. I am switching OFF all the illuminating crazy knowledge about the Self. BAM, BAM.  What is that unusual silence I am beginning to hear? Hey dude It is dark and getting darker by the second. The fringes of the fading light points to the ever present darkness! This is what I have been looking for. Eureka!

Dude how could I search for darkness with lights ON?     LOL...... HAHAHAHA .... ROFL

(P.S. - Knowledge is so useful but it can turn out to be a stumbling block. Know when not to dwell in it. Truth is beyond the logic of Mind.)